Friends or boyfriend?

I feel guilty at times whenever I enjoy being with my friends when I'm with my boyfriend. It looks like I enjoyed it more with them than the other way around. Is it that bad?

Years ago, I learned from a friend, Lhouie, that you should always take time to whoever asks you first. If your friends asked you on a date and you agreed on it, you can't just cancel it just because your boyfriend asked you afterwards. It should be like a first come first serve basis kind of thing. You don't give up on your friends because of the love of your life.

But just the same, your friends should respect your time with your boyfriend. They shouldn't be jealous of him because you have a different kind of relationship.

Although sometimes, like yesterday, I feel guilty. My friends and I already scheduled going to S&R to eat out aside from registering to be a member. I asked my boyfriend to come with us since I want him to have the same experience and my friends won't mind. So after work, we went there and enjoyed food, laughing and sharing stories.

Rai and I was supposed to watch a movie but because we're stuffed with food, we were sleepy. He was also considering my shift at night so he did not push me in watching a movie. So we went home and I fell asleep.

I woke up then receiving a message from him that I was not able to comfort him about his problems at work. I totally forgot about it since I've been thinking that he's already okay since he'll go back to work already the next day. So right there and then, I felt really bad for him and myself.

Now I'm thinking, was it wrong to enjoy myself with the company of my friends even though I'm with my boyfriend? Or I just assummed everything was fine with my boyfriend? Am I just scared to be labelled as someone who's heads over heels with him when I'm in front of my friends? Or my love for him should be questioned already?

Oh, well...

posted from Bloggeroid

Push mo yan!

I received a message yesterday that I cannot share to anybody but some already have an idea.

After knowing the 'news', the 'plan' was made concrete.

I don't know. I wanna try it but I'm scared to fail. Isn't such a coward thing to do?

1. What if you know you can but you don't know if you're good enough? It's like you know how to dance but you don't know if it's worth to try in joining a contest?

2. You love what you do but... what can I say? It's like deciding if you can evolve your hobby into a job or sort of an income.

3. I always say that as long as we're single, grab every opportunity since you can still say yes and you don't have much of a responsibility. Going home late? Not a problem. No need to think of your husband/kid that need more of your time.

4. Are you ready? Then again... there's no such thing as perfect timing. :|

Oh well...

posted from Bloggeroid

Brake

Head's dizzy
Stomach's churning
Smell makes me sneezy

Every move
Every stop
Feels like hiccups

No energy for me
No power over you
No time to spare

Don't hold on for too long
Don't push for some more
Give me the peace I've been longing for

posted from Bloggeroid

Stage IV

I'm so into proposals and weddings that I tend to watch them whether it be from a friend, batchmate, acquaintance, celebrity or from anyone I found online.

So aside from the recent Chito-Neri proposal, that when I searched for it in YouTube the 'scandal' comes up instead of the proposal, I saw another one this morning from a known YouTube loveteam sensation: Jamich. It's unconventional since it's the girl, Mich, who proposes to the guy, Jam. Then Jam mentioned that he has cancer, probably his way of explaining why it's his gf who was proposing to him and not the other way around. I was shocked because although I'm not a fan, I didn't know he has cancer. I was expecting it online since they're an online sensation. Probably because I don't have FB friends who are not a fan? Or I'm just not updated. Haha.

Curiousity got the best of me when I searched for their Magpakailanman show since I've read online that they were recently featured. I was even thinking before as to how come they made it to the show when they are only known as love teams. So, I watched the one hour show and found out the following:

1. Mich loves Jam more. She's the one who provided their couple ring. Also, all throughout the show, that's what I noticed.
2. Yexel and Jam are brothers! I've been to Yexel's Toy Museum last year or 2 years ago. Hahaha. I though they're just magkabarkada.
3. Jam was a gambling addict.
4. I wonder how much YouTube pays if you're one of their partners?
5. Jake needs more acting workshop.

Aside from those, I watched Jessica Soho's interview wherein Jam mentioned he acquired lung cancer because of stress and although he doesn't smokes, he's a secondhand smoker. Like seriously?? Just because of stress?!?!?!

Also, although I know that being a secondhand smoker is worse, I never thought you can really get cancer from that. Probably from too much casino, Jam? You have a lot of people around you smoking? Good thing I don't like the smell of cigarette smoke. Even if you're done smoking but I can still smell it from your hands? Ewww. Anyhow, I still wish you the best, Jam.

So aside from that, I thought of things that made me such a paranoid again. What if that's me? What if that's Rai? I'll probably think the same thing: I'm still young. What could be the things that I would like to do? What could be on my Bucket List? Will I have a lot of mourners? Will I be visited? Will Rai propose to me soon enough?

Too many things going on my mind. I was asking Rai some of these but he was too sleepy to answer... actually, he was sleeping when I was asking. Hahaha.

So... what are your thoughts if you'll be Jam?

posted from Bloggeroid

Praning.

Gulong-gulo.
Kung anu-ano.
Ang liit-liit.

Nitong pwesto ko.
Nitong kalalagyan ko.
Nitong mundo ko sa'yo.

Hindi masyado kabawasan.
Hindi dapat ganun ang epekto.
Pero bakit ramdam ko?

Sino ka?

posted from Bloggeroid

Sapat lang.

"Wala na agad."
"Parang multo, nagparamdam lang."
"Dumaan lang sa palad mo na parang hangin. Di mo namamalayan."

Usaping pera sa panahon ng sahod. Pag nagtatanungan ng pera o kaya libre, ang sagot: "Wala na kong pera! Grabeeee!" Kasabay niyan ang mga kaibigan na magsasabi ng, "Uy wag mong sabihing wala kasi mawawalan ka talaga. Sabihin mo, sapat lang."

Sabe nila dahil mas malaki sahod ng isang tao, dapat yun daw manlibre. O kaya yun dapat madaming ipon. Lagi kong sagot? "The higher your salary, the higher your wants and your needs." January pa plinanong mag-ipon for next year. Ano ng ganap? Wala pa rin. Nagtravel. Pero walang savings. Walang investment. Di pa nakakaahon.

Ke hirap. Ansarap gumastos. Laging iisipin na, sige babawiin ko na lang. Naku talaga!

Kasabay nun, hindi mo mapigilang magbigay. Ewan. Di ko alam kung sadyang mayabang o likas na mabait. Haha. O marahil andun na talaga. Passion ba. Laging gustong tumulong. Ayoko yung naaawa lang. Wala naman nagagawa ang awa kung wala kang gagawing aksyon dun. Pinipigilan ko sarili ko maawa pag wala ko magagawa para sa kanila. Kasi nga, anong saysay nun? Di ba?

Haaaay. Ipit ipit muna. Mamaluktot. Pigilan ang sarili. Lumayo sa temptasyon. Malay mo, sa panahong kelangan mo, me darating na pera. Me makikita kang nakaipit.

Tiwala lang.
Susunod na tanungin ka kung may pera ka pa..
Ano isasagot mo?
Clue: Bawal sabihing "Wala."

posted from Bloggeroid

Agad-agad?

There are different ways of how people cope up. There's what they called DABDA as an acronym for how people move on after grieving or after somebody died. For me, it applies with other things as well. It mostly applies whenever a change happens. Familiar with it? Here it goes:

D is for Denial.
Whatever happened haven't sink in yet. You haven't absorb it yet. You're still denying the fact that the change did not occur and you continue to live just like before. For you, "No. It did not happen."

A is for Anger.
It affects you in such a way that you're angry with everything and everyone including God. You blame other people. You blame yourself. You blame God. You're angry. You can't accept it or anything even remotely related. You're not happy. Whatever positive thing they say, you're angry. You're going to listen to them but you will make sure that you don't take it seriously and continue to take it against them.

B is for Bargaining.
Why her? Why him? Why not me? Why not others? Why not other bad people? The peg that you love is, "Lord, why have You forsaken me? Sana ako na lang. O kaya iba na lang."

D is for Depression.
Don't want to eat. Don't want to sleep. Don't want to talk. Don't want to live. Laslas pulso peg!

Lastly, A is for Acceptance.
The final step. You have finally moved on.

Note that this does not happen in chronological order. Although acceptance will always be the 5th step, you can always go back to the 1st one as soon as you observe that you haven't really moved on.

My point, exactly? Don't post / tell other people they are your world if only a few months ago, you were crying over someone cheating on you and as to how much you loved them. Coz if your love is as deep as what you've mentioned and posted before, then definitely, having another boy toy cannot easily replace them.

I know all of us do have different ways of moving on... different timing as well. But please, cut the forever thing and you and me against the world drama. Like what some of my single friends say, "WALANG POREBER!"

But then again.... probably that's how you cope up?

posted from Bloggeroid

Do not follow the light.

Papasama ko ke Kat para sa cake ng pinsan ko bukas dahil debut niya. Di naman pwedeng basta-basta lang na cake kaya kelangan ko ng kaladkarin girl ko at ang creative mind niya. Ang lagay: magkaiba na kami ng sched. Saklap. Haha. Dahil on training na siya para maging Learning Specialist, pang-umaga siya ngayong linggo para sabay sa mga bagong ahente. E ang tapos ng HOOP (Hours of Operation) namin, 8am. Uwi niya, 3pm. Ano na??

Syempre ako si adjust dahil ako may kelangan. So eto, nag-antay sa kanya. Hindi nakatulog kasi interesting yung training dahil parang naging refresher siya saken. 5 years ago yan yung training ko ah. Imbes na pwedeng umidlip, dilat anggang matapos ang training.

Habang naka-lunch yung mga trainees, may pumasok na naka-black ID. Ibig sabihin, hindi bagong empleyado kasi yellow pag bago e. Sa likas na daldal ko, inusisa ko. Ayun, taga ibang account, nalipat. Ang ganda lang ni ate. Nakakatibong ganda. Ansarap kausapin. Tapos habang kausap namin, nalaman namin na nagka-girlfriend na siya ng dalawang beses. Bisexual. Patay na. Parehas pa kami. Hahaha!

Paglabas, sinabi ko sa mga katrabaho ko na ang ganda niya talaga. Sumang-ayon naman kaming tatlo kasi kahit simple lang siya, maganda. Pag ngumiti... hayahay ang buhay! Hahaha.

Maya-maya tumawag na ko ke Rai. Nag-sorry. Hahaha. Lakas ng tama ko e. Crush na crush lang e. Wala kong nagawa kundi...



Waaaaah! Hindi 'to pwede. More than five years na kong going straight! Hahahahaha!

Seriously, crush lang naman....
Don't follow the light! Lol.

posted from Bloggeroid

Eto na ba yun?

9pm dapat pasok ko. Minsan last shift na pumapasok (11pm) tapos the next day opening shift (7pm) kasi may kelangan i-roll out o kaya magbantay per interval (every 30mins) ng tawag na papasok anggang magsara ng (8am). Bago ko nga isulat ko, natanong ko, "Ano nga ba talaga shift ko?"

Nag-iisa na lang kasi akong coach samen. Dalawa talaga kami pero nakamahabang leave yung isa. May coach in training naman (CTT or Coach Track Trainee tawag samen) pero syempre dahil CTT pa lang nga, hindi mo pwedeng isipin o asahan na kaya niya mag-isa. Hindi dahil wala kang tiwala pero dahil hindi niya pa yun dapat ginagawa.

Sumabay pa one time yung wala yung manager kaya ang datingan, sagot mo lahat: client, company bosses, senior managers, directors, VP. May tanong sila? Sagutin mo. Di mo alam? Di pwedeng replyan mo na hindi mo alam. Maghanap ka ng sagot. Tumawag ka sa ibang manager, humingi ka ng advice, alamin mo diskarte.

Umiyak sa unang araw. Na-pressure. Pagkatapos? Sinabi sa sarili, "Sige. Kaya ko 'to." Pagkatapos ng ilang araw... kaya ko na. May onting humps, may onting gasgas, pero kaya ko. Alam kong kaya ko. Pero yung angkinin na yung posisyon? Mag apply na maging manager in training? (OMTT tawag samen. Operations Manager Track Trainee) Wait lang. Atras ulit.

Dumalaw ako sa training ng mga bagong ahente kanina. Nakita ko mga dati kong ahente. 2 years ago nung mahawakan ko sila bilang ahente ko. Bago pa sila nun dito. Ngayon? Hindi sila bagong ahente or magtetraining. May mga posisyon na sila. Yung isa Quality Analyst (QA). Pinakauna kong napaakyat. Pangalawa, Sales Verifier/QA Apprentice. Naging OCP mentor din or mentor ng mga bago. Taga-assist sa kanila. Pangatlo? Bagong promote: Learning Specialist Track Trainee. May pang-apat pa nga e. Ginogroom ko maging LS nun, tinulak kong mag-apply mag CTT, ayun, may hawak nang team ngayon.

Bat ko sinabi yun? Kasi mayabang ako. Haha. Hindi, masaya kasi ako. Lagi kong sinasabi, ang mga ahente kong napapaangat ko ang pamantayan ko ng galing ko bilang coach. Kung matulungan ko silang umangat, feeling ko, magaling ako talaga. So pano? Ang galing-galing ko noh. Haha. Tingin mo pwede na kaya yun batayan para mag-apply na talaga ko na OMTT? May opening. Pinapapasa ako ng requirements. Kaya ko na ba? Kaya ko na ba talaga? :|

Ang hirap.

Sabe ng Inang Reyna ko, Senior Operations Manager namin, dapat daw every 2 years umaangat ka. Wag mong hayaang stagnant ka. In fairness, 2 years pa lang nung November nung naging official coach ako. Ano ba? Eto na ba yun? Kaya ko na ba?

posted from Bloggeroid

What makes you?

What makes you calm?
Him: when I talk to you, your hug
Her: when I voice out what I feel through whatever channel, your presence

What's gross to you?
Him: that picture you've sent

Her: aside from the usual gross stuff, probably third parties

What makes you angry?
Him: your petix
Her: third parties, minamadali ako ng di ko naman kasalanan (more on inis lang. Haha)

What makes you smile?
Him: seeing you smile
Her: your hugs, kisses on my forehead, your naughtiness. Hahaha

posted from Bloggeroid

Like a girl.

When you wear your hair long.
Or curl it. Or put on a headband.

When you want you have this cute bag.
Or want a boy to carry it for you.

When you want your bf to go to your office.
Or try to make him wait a lil longer.

When you want to show off your guy.
Or hide him from anyone else to keep him for yourself.

But I'm not a girl.. not anymore.
I'm a woman. And should be acting like one.

posted from Bloggeroid

Spoiled.

Gusto kong mag-field trip!
Gusto kong makasama ka.

Gusto kong umangat!
Gusto kong pumirmi.

Gusto kong sumigaw!
Gusto kong makausap ka.

Gusto kong umiyak!
Gusto ko ng yakap mo.

Gusto ko makita yung giraffe!
Gusto kong maalala.

Gusto ko si Croco Martin!
Gusto kong walang isipin.

Gusto ko lumayas!
Gusto kong marinig sarili ko.

Gusto ko tumalon ng mataas!
Gusto kong mahilo.

Gusto ko na matulog!
Gusto kong matahimik na kalooban ko.

Gusto ko na to matapos!
Gusto kong umulit.

Madaming gusto ang tao.
Sa dulo naman..
Ano ba dapat?
Alam yung tama.
Pero masaya ba?

posted from Bloggeroid

Lagpas tao

Kasabay ng init ng panahon.
Pressure cooker ba.

When people expect too much from you, something beyond your scope, your position but still that's how they look at you.

Bawing-bawi ang 9 days kong bakasyon! Ilang araw pa lang, sagad sagad na ko. Kakaloka!

When you don't know what to prioritize anymore. Should I start with something easier or something challenging? Should I think about others, start thinking about myself or not think of what others people think but rather perceive?

Alam ko kaya ko 'to pero wait lang. Hinay hinay naman o. Isa isa lang, please.

Should I go on or move on?
Should I let the air carry me away or fight with resistance?

Kaya ko pa ba? Ok pa ba ko?
Unti unti na dumudulas kamay ko sa pagkapit.

When you lose faith with the system.
When you go against what society expects you to do.

Ano ba dapat?
O tama?

Positive vibes, faith in humanity, trust in myself.

San po pwede magpa-load?
Kahit papasa lang.

posted from Bloggeroid

There lies the problem.

Ever being blamed about something you don't know what?

Ever knowing the reason and understanding that it's not even your fault?

Then you will just adjust just for the sake of it. Because that person is someone higher, needs more understanding or because you're the one who needs to bend.

As much as you want to talk it out, how can you? You're not even friends to begin with but you need to co-exist. You sure as hell that you'll only make it worse if you talk it out because that person already started talking against you, assummed and painted yourself as the big bad wolf in that pwrson's world.

So the best thing you can really do is to bend.

Let space and time take it's magic to heal or cool things off.

Even if it's hurting you.
Even if it's affecting you.
Even if it's getting in the way with your relationship with others.

Because you need to understand.
Because you need to be the bigger person.
Because you just need to.
Because that person won't.

If only that person knows what I'm going through.
If only that person can see how much this affects us.
If only that person can be stronger than I am coz I want to throw the towel already.


So much for these kind of relationships...



People should talk TO each other and not ABOUT each other.

posted from Bloggeroid

Hindi mo kelangang manganak para masabing nanay ka.

Nagpapatay ng oras ng biglang gustong sagutin si Facebook sa tanong niyang:

"What's on my mind?"

Andami ko na naranasan sa pagiging coach ko when it comes to family.

Andun yung tinetext ako ng asawa, jowa o kaya magulang para hanapin saken agent ko o kaya magsabi ng dahilan kung bat di makakapasok.

Maging nanay kahit hindi sila galing sa sinapupunan (deep, men!) ko.

Maging kaibigan na sabihan ng problema.

Maging ate na nagagalit pag me kalokohan sa personal life.

Maging tropa na barubal kausap at mas madalas na bastos.

Mamatayan ng manugang (asawa ng agent ko).

Nagdadasal na hindi maranasan kelanman ang mamatayan ng ahente.

Maging ninang pero di pa nakakaattend sa binyag.

Maimbitahan sa kasal.

Maging bridesmaid sa kasal.

Makatulong mapromote yung mga ahente ko at naging Tier 2 (Escalation Team), QA, OCP Mentor, Sales Verifier, LSTT at CTT. Para na rin akong nakapagpatapos ng estudyante with honors! (Kayo mga medalya ko bukod sa posisyon ko!)

Malungkot dahil mabuntis ang "anak" ng hindi pa kasal.

Masaya na napagsabay ang pag-aaral at trabaho.

Mapatino ang mga pasaway na ahente sa absenteeism.

At ngayon.... magiging Lola naman! :") Bukod sa may 2 kong buntis na "anak", may 2 pang dagdag! Kakalokang tunay!

posted from Bloggeroid