Stuck.

Bored.
Not sleepy.
Still sick.

I'm really hoping for my speedy recovery so that I can go back to being normal. I'm looking forward to removing this eye patch and I don't want the double vision super powers anymore. Who would have thought I'll have Tolosa-Hunt Syndrome (THS) - a rare disease that's usually for old people? And when I say old, I mean 60. Oh well, luck is on me.

I feel like I'm still far from recovery despite being discharged from the hospital. My first day out was not good as I experienced the same agonizing pain that made me want to cry. Thanks to the doctors for the miracle pill that made it go away although it's costly. I used it once only when the pain was unbearable.

The night of my first day at home was not good as well. I kept on having bathroom trips, which I didn't usually do when I was at the hospital, and my feces are watery. I already ate 3 bananas but it's still the same. Probably because of the medicines that I'm taking. I'm suspecting this med that I take 30mins before breakfast because my nurse said that I need to drink it in preparation for the steroids that I'm taking 3x a day. The med is for me not to feel acidic or something. Unfortunately, I feel my tummy crumbling and doing flips every now and then. I may not yet used to it yet. I hope it gets better in time!

I want to go to work! I want to be back working my ass off. I'll watch stress, tasks and food intake but I still want to go to work the soonest possible time. I don't want to force myself yet coz I don't want to be back at the hospital. I would love my first confinement be my last experience as well! Although I loved being taken care of.. it's costly! All my money plans were crushed. I'm back to minimizing expenses and splurges. :(

I want to do a lot of things right now at this wee hour of the morning: 2:30AM
- play zigsaw puzzle
- fold my clothes
- clean my room
- eat ice cream
- write
- budget money
- read
- chitchat w a friend

And so on! Unfortunately, I can't stress myself so I'll make myself contented with writing one entry here.. and trying to go to sleep again. :s

posted from Bloggeroid

Wednesday is Coach mode

Just when I thought I can lie low on a Wednesday, our client meetings are scheduled every Tuesday and Thursday, and it'll be my breather for the week.... whew!

12mn - aht governance meeting with process improvement program manager
1am - webex training for adversity
2am - hiring call
3am - LUNCH
4am - deviation call

O di ba? Yung totoo? Pumasok lang para kumausap sa telepono? Kulang ako ng face time with agents! Kaya ayun, nakipaglaro na lang ako ng darts sa kanila... saktong sales scheme namin for the month!

Surprisingly, I'm really enjoying my new role. I'm learning a lot and I'm learning something new every now and then. That's always good, right? Although I'm halfhearted at going back to school to finish my studies, I'm all about learning with what interests and benefits me. Like what I said to others before, if I'm not successful with my studies, I want to be successful with my career. I want something, a part of me as an individual, to be successful. So far, I'm within timelines with my career plan. *wink

So yeah, Wednesday was supposed to be the day for me to be on a coach mode but unfortunately, I was not able to do the role. My time was in demand for my new role.

All's well that ends well! If ever I get so stress with my work, I'll remember to go back to this blog post as I'm really inspired nowadays. ;)

posted from Bloggeroid

Swamp!

My Tuesday was like:

9pm - can't find formal outfit for work
10pm - work! Started the day w/ client escalation!
1130pm - support huddle (1hr)
130am - client touch base (1hr)
230am - time and motion study training (2hrs)
5am - LUNCH! YAY! I'M SO HUNGRY!!!

Busy Tuesday! Waaaaah. Preparations were done in between meetings especially from Support Huddle to Clients Touch base since I'm the one preparing the things to discuss covering all KPIs.

I need to get use to training sessions again to prepare me more with my new role now. There are a lot of things to learn especially around financials! I received a DMT report that talks about margin, forecast and actual budgets and all I recognized are $$$. I don't have any idea how my boss came up with those numbers! Ouch!

In fairness, I'm really learning how to read my e-mail effectively. Haha. I'm now reading all e-mails that come my way. Although there are surprises here and there - what deviation file?? - I'm glad I'm slowly learning the ins and outs in this business.

So far, I am able to manage my time without saying, "Hey! 12hrs shift?? I'm not yet done with everything! I need to extend more!" Delegate, delegate, delegate. You need to learn to trust your people. Yes, there will be misses but you're up for greater tasks now so you need to teach them how to do it and to let them make their own mistakes to learn.



Lastly, follow through is the most important thing. You can't just start without acting on it. You can't claim that you did a good job if it was only a one time thing. Consistency is the key! This morning, I learned to check my sent items to see if there's anything that I missed or that needs me to follow up on items. I cannot keep on requesting action if I can't follow through with it or close it out.

Pending item though for me? I need to learn how to do things in a timely manner. Reports may not be that important anymore if the people who are supposed to read it are out for the day already. Time-constraint reports should be on top priority. Next: more face time with agents. Floorwalk! 70%-80% of the day, we should be talking to people and not just managing adherence, e-mails and whatnot. I need to allot time to that. See? Those I learned during my TMS training session this morning. Haha. Now I want to TMS myself. Lol.

posted from Bloggeroid

Give you my heart

It hurts.
So much.

I woke up crying my heart out.
I had a bad dream.
The pain I felt was so real.
I can't help it.
I just can't stop crying.
The kind of crying that you're so noisy.
Whimpering.
Wanna go home.

I can't breathe.
There's something heavy in my chest.




Give me a chance.
Please.
Wait for me.
We'll make it happen.

I might die crying for the pain that I'll feel.
So please continue doing me a favor.
Live for me. Wait for me.







Lola.

posted from Bloggeroid

It gets tiring, y'know?

When you kept on saying that you're done and that you're giving up...

When you said that you changed your mind and wants to give it a chance...

When you had a bad day and you're back to giving up...

When you suddenly had hope and dream that things might get better...

It's like you're playing ping pong.
I kept on following the ball through looking at it.
Left, right, left, right.
I'm getting dizzy.
I'm having a headache.

I kept saying to make up your mind.
I suggested that you ask guidance.
I was asking for a sign.
I'm trying my best to be supportive.
But seriously?
Just tell me about it once you've act upon it.

posted from Bloggeroid

Flutter of..

Bumili ng milk tea sa Gongcha.
Habang naglalakad, nakaramdam ng gutom.
Napagdesisyunang kumain sa Jollibee.
Nag-order ng may inumin.
Naisipang tanggihan ang kasamang softdrinks.
Pero wala pang sampu ang matitipid.
Hinayaan na lang kahit may inumin pang milk tea.

Habang naglalakad sa tulay, nakakita ng tindahan.
Bumili ng 2 pirasong tinapay.
Ibibigay kasama ang softdrinks sa nadaang mag-ama.
Napansing natutulog at nahiya.
Iniwan na lang ang isang tinapay at nagmadaling naglakad.
Nahihiyang baka magising at makaistorbo.
Umasang may makikitang iba pagbaba ng tulay.
Wala.
Sumakay ng pampasaherong bus.

Huminto ang bus malapit sa Ayala.
May gustong sumakay na tindero.
Matanda na.
Pagod.
May dalang isang balde ng mani.
Hindi pinapasok.
May isa pang tindero na sumubok.
May dalang inumin at fish cracker.
Binuksan ang pintuan.
Tinawag ng tindero ang nagtitinda ng mani.
Pwede na rin siya pumasok kasama ng nagtitinda ng inumin.
Nagdamdam ata.
Hindi na sumunod.

Bumaba ng bus.
Hinanda ang inumin at tinapay.
Tumitingin ng mapagbibigyan.
May nakitang bata ngunit malayo.
Sa isang kanto, may nakita ulit.
Mga batang basurero.
Natakot at baka dumugin.
Pang-isang taong meryenda lang ang mabibigay.
Umasa.
Nabigo.
Umuwing inabot na lang ang inumin.
Tinago ang tinapay.
Umaasang may mapagbibigyan sa susunod.
O panawid gutom pag nangangailangan.




Makita mong may mga taong mababait pa rin.
Malaman mong may taong may nais pa ring makatulong.
Gusto mong kumilos din.
Gusto mong tumulong din.

You did not just do good.
You inspired, people, too.

posted from Bloggeroid

Effective July 1

Oh yeah! Finally, I can say it out loud. Finally, it's official! Soon it'll be Facebook official although I'm still thinking if I need to change it. But hey, that's the best way to change status, right? It's like shouting to the whole world even to those who don't really matter to you.

I feel so proud of myself coz I did work hard for it. I was even tasked to do a case study as part of the interview process and I aced it! So yeah, no office politics involved. Haha

I really want to thank my patron saint, Saint Jude, for an additional guidance aside from Him. My lola and my mom for offering a mass for me. My previous director, Ms Anna Mae for explaining more about challenges at work. For my previous program manager, someone that I'll always look up to, Mother Krissy, for giving me tips on my interview. My previous operations manager, Boss Macoi, for being available and eager to call me or take my call when I have questions. My now program manager, Boss Anjo, for inspiring me to become better. My now boss or supervisor, Alex, who provided me with numbers and has always been there as I fulfill the role even without the title yet. Andrei for being competitive for the position. Congrats saten dude! ;)

Also, Team Hornets, Team Robust and Team Canucks. You are all a part of me. I became the best coach for 2013 with all of your help. You guys honed me and made me want to become the best. Now, Team Canada, I'm ready to support you more as you all will be under my wings. Let's continue being amazing team! Communication and collaboration goes a long way! :)

posted from Bloggeroid

Parang ayoko na yata?

Haaaay. I never thought this will be this stressful. As in.

Calibration calls. Huddles. On call.
Managers. Director. Global. Clients.
Deck. Business review. Touchbase.

Haaaaaay! I just want to feel normal again.

posted from Bloggeroid

Patanggal naman o!

Gusto ko sumigaw.
Gusto ko tumalon.
Gusto ko tumakbo.
Anggang maubos siya.

Matulog.
Maglunch.
Umuwi.
At kalimutan siya.

Ipasa na.
Tayo na.
Lakad na.
Para matapos na!

Haaaaay.
Patanggal naman ng kaba o.
Paiwan muna sa'yo.
Balikan ko mamaya. Pwede?

posted from Bloggeroid

Am I?

I am ready.

Yes, I am.

I am..

Am I?

*sigh*

I just finished Mass today at St. Jude, my patron saint. I missed him since I fail to attend the usual Thursday novena because of... *insert excuse here*. So I made sure to come as early as now to attend mass here.



I still have the feels whenever I go here. I feel weak and strong at the same time. I feel weak coz I know I'm called and I don't deserve Him most of the time. But I feel strong, too, coz I know I'm accepted and I know He'll guide me. Tandem pa sila ni patron saint ko. :)

Right timing coz my interview's coming up this Tuesday. I asked for guidance and to help me all through out. I know I can do better. I know I'll be better. I know I can do more if I got it.

While praying, I just kept on asking for his guidance. Just like when I was applying for my position now, I asked for his and His guidance. The first time, I know I was not fully ready with all the responsibity that's waiting for me. I even cried after the interview knowing I won't bag the position but I learned to accept it as a learning experience. On the second time that I applied, I know I'm ready and I'm glad He guided me and never faltered to be on my side all throughout.

This time, I'm scared but I think I'm ready. When I was offering my prayers awhile ago, that's the time I felt that I'm ready. This is for me. Sabi nga nila, "Claim it!"

At times I feel boastful while thinking all these but I know I can do better. I can influence more. I can help more. Although I'm doing things beyond my scope already and can still do things even without the position that I'm aiming more, the things I can do more... *sigh*

If ever I won't bag the position, at least I tried. I know God has a plan... always.

But for now, I will remain positive. This is it!

I am ready.

posted from Bloggeroid

Friends or boyfriend?

I feel guilty at times whenever I enjoy being with my friends when I'm with my boyfriend. It looks like I enjoyed it more with them than the other way around. Is it that bad?

Years ago, I learned from a friend, Lhouie, that you should always take time to whoever asks you first. If your friends asked you on a date and you agreed on it, you can't just cancel it just because your boyfriend asked you afterwards. It should be like a first come first serve basis kind of thing. You don't give up on your friends because of the love of your life.

But just the same, your friends should respect your time with your boyfriend. They shouldn't be jealous of him because you have a different kind of relationship.

Although sometimes, like yesterday, I feel guilty. My friends and I already scheduled going to S&R to eat out aside from registering to be a member. I asked my boyfriend to come with us since I want him to have the same experience and my friends won't mind. So after work, we went there and enjoyed food, laughing and sharing stories.

Rai and I was supposed to watch a movie but because we're stuffed with food, we were sleepy. He was also considering my shift at night so he did not push me in watching a movie. So we went home and I fell asleep.

I woke up then receiving a message from him that I was not able to comfort him about his problems at work. I totally forgot about it since I've been thinking that he's already okay since he'll go back to work already the next day. So right there and then, I felt really bad for him and myself.

Now I'm thinking, was it wrong to enjoy myself with the company of my friends even though I'm with my boyfriend? Or I just assummed everything was fine with my boyfriend? Am I just scared to be labelled as someone who's heads over heels with him when I'm in front of my friends? Or my love for him should be questioned already?

Oh, well...

posted from Bloggeroid

Push mo yan!

I received a message yesterday that I cannot share to anybody but some already have an idea.

After knowing the 'news', the 'plan' was made concrete.

I don't know. I wanna try it but I'm scared to fail. Isn't such a coward thing to do?

1. What if you know you can but you don't know if you're good enough? It's like you know how to dance but you don't know if it's worth to try in joining a contest?

2. You love what you do but... what can I say? It's like deciding if you can evolve your hobby into a job or sort of an income.

3. I always say that as long as we're single, grab every opportunity since you can still say yes and you don't have much of a responsibility. Going home late? Not a problem. No need to think of your husband/kid that need more of your time.

4. Are you ready? Then again... there's no such thing as perfect timing. :|

Oh well...

posted from Bloggeroid

Brake

Head's dizzy
Stomach's churning
Smell makes me sneezy

Every move
Every stop
Feels like hiccups

No energy for me
No power over you
No time to spare

Don't hold on for too long
Don't push for some more
Give me the peace I've been longing for

posted from Bloggeroid

Stage IV

I'm so into proposals and weddings that I tend to watch them whether it be from a friend, batchmate, acquaintance, celebrity or from anyone I found online.

So aside from the recent Chito-Neri proposal, that when I searched for it in YouTube the 'scandal' comes up instead of the proposal, I saw another one this morning from a known YouTube loveteam sensation: Jamich. It's unconventional since it's the girl, Mich, who proposes to the guy, Jam. Then Jam mentioned that he has cancer, probably his way of explaining why it's his gf who was proposing to him and not the other way around. I was shocked because although I'm not a fan, I didn't know he has cancer. I was expecting it online since they're an online sensation. Probably because I don't have FB friends who are not a fan? Or I'm just not updated. Haha.

Curiousity got the best of me when I searched for their Magpakailanman show since I've read online that they were recently featured. I was even thinking before as to how come they made it to the show when they are only known as love teams. So, I watched the one hour show and found out the following:

1. Mich loves Jam more. She's the one who provided their couple ring. Also, all throughout the show, that's what I noticed.
2. Yexel and Jam are brothers! I've been to Yexel's Toy Museum last year or 2 years ago. Hahaha. I though they're just magkabarkada.
3. Jam was a gambling addict.
4. I wonder how much YouTube pays if you're one of their partners?
5. Jake needs more acting workshop.

Aside from those, I watched Jessica Soho's interview wherein Jam mentioned he acquired lung cancer because of stress and although he doesn't smokes, he's a secondhand smoker. Like seriously?? Just because of stress?!?!?!

Also, although I know that being a secondhand smoker is worse, I never thought you can really get cancer from that. Probably from too much casino, Jam? You have a lot of people around you smoking? Good thing I don't like the smell of cigarette smoke. Even if you're done smoking but I can still smell it from your hands? Ewww. Anyhow, I still wish you the best, Jam.

So aside from that, I thought of things that made me such a paranoid again. What if that's me? What if that's Rai? I'll probably think the same thing: I'm still young. What could be the things that I would like to do? What could be on my Bucket List? Will I have a lot of mourners? Will I be visited? Will Rai propose to me soon enough?

Too many things going on my mind. I was asking Rai some of these but he was too sleepy to answer... actually, he was sleeping when I was asking. Hahaha.

So... what are your thoughts if you'll be Jam?

posted from Bloggeroid

Praning.

Gulong-gulo.
Kung anu-ano.
Ang liit-liit.

Nitong pwesto ko.
Nitong kalalagyan ko.
Nitong mundo ko sa'yo.

Hindi masyado kabawasan.
Hindi dapat ganun ang epekto.
Pero bakit ramdam ko?

Sino ka?

posted from Bloggeroid

Sapat lang.

"Wala na agad."
"Parang multo, nagparamdam lang."
"Dumaan lang sa palad mo na parang hangin. Di mo namamalayan."

Usaping pera sa panahon ng sahod. Pag nagtatanungan ng pera o kaya libre, ang sagot: "Wala na kong pera! Grabeeee!" Kasabay niyan ang mga kaibigan na magsasabi ng, "Uy wag mong sabihing wala kasi mawawalan ka talaga. Sabihin mo, sapat lang."

Sabe nila dahil mas malaki sahod ng isang tao, dapat yun daw manlibre. O kaya yun dapat madaming ipon. Lagi kong sagot? "The higher your salary, the higher your wants and your needs." January pa plinanong mag-ipon for next year. Ano ng ganap? Wala pa rin. Nagtravel. Pero walang savings. Walang investment. Di pa nakakaahon.

Ke hirap. Ansarap gumastos. Laging iisipin na, sige babawiin ko na lang. Naku talaga!

Kasabay nun, hindi mo mapigilang magbigay. Ewan. Di ko alam kung sadyang mayabang o likas na mabait. Haha. O marahil andun na talaga. Passion ba. Laging gustong tumulong. Ayoko yung naaawa lang. Wala naman nagagawa ang awa kung wala kang gagawing aksyon dun. Pinipigilan ko sarili ko maawa pag wala ko magagawa para sa kanila. Kasi nga, anong saysay nun? Di ba?

Haaaay. Ipit ipit muna. Mamaluktot. Pigilan ang sarili. Lumayo sa temptasyon. Malay mo, sa panahong kelangan mo, me darating na pera. Me makikita kang nakaipit.

Tiwala lang.
Susunod na tanungin ka kung may pera ka pa..
Ano isasagot mo?
Clue: Bawal sabihing "Wala."

posted from Bloggeroid

Agad-agad?

There are different ways of how people cope up. There's what they called DABDA as an acronym for how people move on after grieving or after somebody died. For me, it applies with other things as well. It mostly applies whenever a change happens. Familiar with it? Here it goes:

D is for Denial.
Whatever happened haven't sink in yet. You haven't absorb it yet. You're still denying the fact that the change did not occur and you continue to live just like before. For you, "No. It did not happen."

A is for Anger.
It affects you in such a way that you're angry with everything and everyone including God. You blame other people. You blame yourself. You blame God. You're angry. You can't accept it or anything even remotely related. You're not happy. Whatever positive thing they say, you're angry. You're going to listen to them but you will make sure that you don't take it seriously and continue to take it against them.

B is for Bargaining.
Why her? Why him? Why not me? Why not others? Why not other bad people? The peg that you love is, "Lord, why have You forsaken me? Sana ako na lang. O kaya iba na lang."

D is for Depression.
Don't want to eat. Don't want to sleep. Don't want to talk. Don't want to live. Laslas pulso peg!

Lastly, A is for Acceptance.
The final step. You have finally moved on.

Note that this does not happen in chronological order. Although acceptance will always be the 5th step, you can always go back to the 1st one as soon as you observe that you haven't really moved on.

My point, exactly? Don't post / tell other people they are your world if only a few months ago, you were crying over someone cheating on you and as to how much you loved them. Coz if your love is as deep as what you've mentioned and posted before, then definitely, having another boy toy cannot easily replace them.

I know all of us do have different ways of moving on... different timing as well. But please, cut the forever thing and you and me against the world drama. Like what some of my single friends say, "WALANG POREBER!"

But then again.... probably that's how you cope up?

posted from Bloggeroid

Do not follow the light.

Papasama ko ke Kat para sa cake ng pinsan ko bukas dahil debut niya. Di naman pwedeng basta-basta lang na cake kaya kelangan ko ng kaladkarin girl ko at ang creative mind niya. Ang lagay: magkaiba na kami ng sched. Saklap. Haha. Dahil on training na siya para maging Learning Specialist, pang-umaga siya ngayong linggo para sabay sa mga bagong ahente. E ang tapos ng HOOP (Hours of Operation) namin, 8am. Uwi niya, 3pm. Ano na??

Syempre ako si adjust dahil ako may kelangan. So eto, nag-antay sa kanya. Hindi nakatulog kasi interesting yung training dahil parang naging refresher siya saken. 5 years ago yan yung training ko ah. Imbes na pwedeng umidlip, dilat anggang matapos ang training.

Habang naka-lunch yung mga trainees, may pumasok na naka-black ID. Ibig sabihin, hindi bagong empleyado kasi yellow pag bago e. Sa likas na daldal ko, inusisa ko. Ayun, taga ibang account, nalipat. Ang ganda lang ni ate. Nakakatibong ganda. Ansarap kausapin. Tapos habang kausap namin, nalaman namin na nagka-girlfriend na siya ng dalawang beses. Bisexual. Patay na. Parehas pa kami. Hahaha!

Paglabas, sinabi ko sa mga katrabaho ko na ang ganda niya talaga. Sumang-ayon naman kaming tatlo kasi kahit simple lang siya, maganda. Pag ngumiti... hayahay ang buhay! Hahaha.

Maya-maya tumawag na ko ke Rai. Nag-sorry. Hahaha. Lakas ng tama ko e. Crush na crush lang e. Wala kong nagawa kundi...



Waaaaah! Hindi 'to pwede. More than five years na kong going straight! Hahahahaha!

Seriously, crush lang naman....
Don't follow the light! Lol.

posted from Bloggeroid

Eto na ba yun?

9pm dapat pasok ko. Minsan last shift na pumapasok (11pm) tapos the next day opening shift (7pm) kasi may kelangan i-roll out o kaya magbantay per interval (every 30mins) ng tawag na papasok anggang magsara ng (8am). Bago ko nga isulat ko, natanong ko, "Ano nga ba talaga shift ko?"

Nag-iisa na lang kasi akong coach samen. Dalawa talaga kami pero nakamahabang leave yung isa. May coach in training naman (CTT or Coach Track Trainee tawag samen) pero syempre dahil CTT pa lang nga, hindi mo pwedeng isipin o asahan na kaya niya mag-isa. Hindi dahil wala kang tiwala pero dahil hindi niya pa yun dapat ginagawa.

Sumabay pa one time yung wala yung manager kaya ang datingan, sagot mo lahat: client, company bosses, senior managers, directors, VP. May tanong sila? Sagutin mo. Di mo alam? Di pwedeng replyan mo na hindi mo alam. Maghanap ka ng sagot. Tumawag ka sa ibang manager, humingi ka ng advice, alamin mo diskarte.

Umiyak sa unang araw. Na-pressure. Pagkatapos? Sinabi sa sarili, "Sige. Kaya ko 'to." Pagkatapos ng ilang araw... kaya ko na. May onting humps, may onting gasgas, pero kaya ko. Alam kong kaya ko. Pero yung angkinin na yung posisyon? Mag apply na maging manager in training? (OMTT tawag samen. Operations Manager Track Trainee) Wait lang. Atras ulit.

Dumalaw ako sa training ng mga bagong ahente kanina. Nakita ko mga dati kong ahente. 2 years ago nung mahawakan ko sila bilang ahente ko. Bago pa sila nun dito. Ngayon? Hindi sila bagong ahente or magtetraining. May mga posisyon na sila. Yung isa Quality Analyst (QA). Pinakauna kong napaakyat. Pangalawa, Sales Verifier/QA Apprentice. Naging OCP mentor din or mentor ng mga bago. Taga-assist sa kanila. Pangatlo? Bagong promote: Learning Specialist Track Trainee. May pang-apat pa nga e. Ginogroom ko maging LS nun, tinulak kong mag-apply mag CTT, ayun, may hawak nang team ngayon.

Bat ko sinabi yun? Kasi mayabang ako. Haha. Hindi, masaya kasi ako. Lagi kong sinasabi, ang mga ahente kong napapaangat ko ang pamantayan ko ng galing ko bilang coach. Kung matulungan ko silang umangat, feeling ko, magaling ako talaga. So pano? Ang galing-galing ko noh. Haha. Tingin mo pwede na kaya yun batayan para mag-apply na talaga ko na OMTT? May opening. Pinapapasa ako ng requirements. Kaya ko na ba? Kaya ko na ba talaga? :|

Ang hirap.

Sabe ng Inang Reyna ko, Senior Operations Manager namin, dapat daw every 2 years umaangat ka. Wag mong hayaang stagnant ka. In fairness, 2 years pa lang nung November nung naging official coach ako. Ano ba? Eto na ba yun? Kaya ko na ba?

posted from Bloggeroid

What makes you?

What makes you calm?
Him: when I talk to you, your hug
Her: when I voice out what I feel through whatever channel, your presence

What's gross to you?
Him: that picture you've sent

Her: aside from the usual gross stuff, probably third parties

What makes you angry?
Him: your petix
Her: third parties, minamadali ako ng di ko naman kasalanan (more on inis lang. Haha)

What makes you smile?
Him: seeing you smile
Her: your hugs, kisses on my forehead, your naughtiness. Hahaha

posted from Bloggeroid

Like a girl.

When you wear your hair long.
Or curl it. Or put on a headband.

When you want you have this cute bag.
Or want a boy to carry it for you.

When you want your bf to go to your office.
Or try to make him wait a lil longer.

When you want to show off your guy.
Or hide him from anyone else to keep him for yourself.

But I'm not a girl.. not anymore.
I'm a woman. And should be acting like one.

posted from Bloggeroid

Spoiled.

Gusto kong mag-field trip!
Gusto kong makasama ka.

Gusto kong umangat!
Gusto kong pumirmi.

Gusto kong sumigaw!
Gusto kong makausap ka.

Gusto kong umiyak!
Gusto ko ng yakap mo.

Gusto ko makita yung giraffe!
Gusto kong maalala.

Gusto ko si Croco Martin!
Gusto kong walang isipin.

Gusto ko lumayas!
Gusto kong marinig sarili ko.

Gusto ko tumalon ng mataas!
Gusto kong mahilo.

Gusto ko na matulog!
Gusto kong matahimik na kalooban ko.

Gusto ko na to matapos!
Gusto kong umulit.

Madaming gusto ang tao.
Sa dulo naman..
Ano ba dapat?
Alam yung tama.
Pero masaya ba?

posted from Bloggeroid

Lagpas tao

Kasabay ng init ng panahon.
Pressure cooker ba.

When people expect too much from you, something beyond your scope, your position but still that's how they look at you.

Bawing-bawi ang 9 days kong bakasyon! Ilang araw pa lang, sagad sagad na ko. Kakaloka!

When you don't know what to prioritize anymore. Should I start with something easier or something challenging? Should I think about others, start thinking about myself or not think of what others people think but rather perceive?

Alam ko kaya ko 'to pero wait lang. Hinay hinay naman o. Isa isa lang, please.

Should I go on or move on?
Should I let the air carry me away or fight with resistance?

Kaya ko pa ba? Ok pa ba ko?
Unti unti na dumudulas kamay ko sa pagkapit.

When you lose faith with the system.
When you go against what society expects you to do.

Ano ba dapat?
O tama?

Positive vibes, faith in humanity, trust in myself.

San po pwede magpa-load?
Kahit papasa lang.

posted from Bloggeroid

There lies the problem.

Ever being blamed about something you don't know what?

Ever knowing the reason and understanding that it's not even your fault?

Then you will just adjust just for the sake of it. Because that person is someone higher, needs more understanding or because you're the one who needs to bend.

As much as you want to talk it out, how can you? You're not even friends to begin with but you need to co-exist. You sure as hell that you'll only make it worse if you talk it out because that person already started talking against you, assummed and painted yourself as the big bad wolf in that pwrson's world.

So the best thing you can really do is to bend.

Let space and time take it's magic to heal or cool things off.

Even if it's hurting you.
Even if it's affecting you.
Even if it's getting in the way with your relationship with others.

Because you need to understand.
Because you need to be the bigger person.
Because you just need to.
Because that person won't.

If only that person knows what I'm going through.
If only that person can see how much this affects us.
If only that person can be stronger than I am coz I want to throw the towel already.


So much for these kind of relationships...



People should talk TO each other and not ABOUT each other.

posted from Bloggeroid

Hindi mo kelangang manganak para masabing nanay ka.

Nagpapatay ng oras ng biglang gustong sagutin si Facebook sa tanong niyang:

"What's on my mind?"

Andami ko na naranasan sa pagiging coach ko when it comes to family.

Andun yung tinetext ako ng asawa, jowa o kaya magulang para hanapin saken agent ko o kaya magsabi ng dahilan kung bat di makakapasok.

Maging nanay kahit hindi sila galing sa sinapupunan (deep, men!) ko.

Maging kaibigan na sabihan ng problema.

Maging ate na nagagalit pag me kalokohan sa personal life.

Maging tropa na barubal kausap at mas madalas na bastos.

Mamatayan ng manugang (asawa ng agent ko).

Nagdadasal na hindi maranasan kelanman ang mamatayan ng ahente.

Maging ninang pero di pa nakakaattend sa binyag.

Maimbitahan sa kasal.

Maging bridesmaid sa kasal.

Makatulong mapromote yung mga ahente ko at naging Tier 2 (Escalation Team), QA, OCP Mentor, Sales Verifier, LSTT at CTT. Para na rin akong nakapagpatapos ng estudyante with honors! (Kayo mga medalya ko bukod sa posisyon ko!)

Malungkot dahil mabuntis ang "anak" ng hindi pa kasal.

Masaya na napagsabay ang pag-aaral at trabaho.

Mapatino ang mga pasaway na ahente sa absenteeism.

At ngayon.... magiging Lola naman! :") Bukod sa may 2 kong buntis na "anak", may 2 pang dagdag! Kakalokang tunay!

posted from Bloggeroid

Be Cool in Bicol: Day 1

Here goes my Bicol escapade this year! I'm hoping that I can blog daily about our day here just so... I can. Haha.

It's not my first time setting foot in Bicol coz I remember going here with my family back when I was a child. We used the PNR as transpo and this is where my grandfather's roots lie. But it's my first time here in Legazpi! Haha

So, first off was my boyfriend accompanied me to NAIA Terminal 3. It was the first time that I'll be flying so I really don't know what to do upon entering NAIA. But I survived. Hahaha.


Prepared my things as early as 5AM?


Last pic of us in NAIA while we say goodbyes


The airplane ride was a bit scary. You don't know if what you're still feeling and experiencing is normal. Haha. Good thing it was a short ride! Although I was experiencing headache all throughout. I just don't know if I was just hungry or what.


Bought ham and cheese croissant for P100 which was delish! And this water for P50. As they say, it's a bit pricey but it satisfied my hunger. Haha.


I was with my friend who was a first timer, too! We're bakasyunista buddies until Tuesday next week! ;)


View from above as we're nearing Legazpi

As we touched down to Legazpi we rode a taxi (P200 did not mind haggling) to our place to stay for 3 days: Legazpi Tourist Inn.

Once we're settled, we went out to look for food. The girl at the reception suggested Sibid-sibid but it's not near to us and we ended up at the nearest recommendation which was Legazpi Restaurant. A bit pricey, too, but hey, their food is good! I tried this pansit (P160 good for two) and I was so full after! Kat tried lechon kawali and rice for P110 and you can feel your life shortening because it was too crunchy! Hahaha


Pansit @ Legazpi Restaurant

After our heavy meal, 3 blocks away we go: St Jude! I really wanted to go here since he's my patron saint and I'm really fascinated with churches. Prayed and offered 3 candles



for: Tita Emy (who just died and I only got the news while we're waiting for our food at Legazpi Restaurant T_T), my family's health and harmony and lastly, for Team Canada's harmony. Medyo hard lang yung sa team kasi ayaw agad magpasindi. Masyado bang mahirap, St Jude? Hahaha


Pardon the wires, they don't know what they're blocking!

Then we walked around the place since my map says St. Raphael Church is just a walking distance from our place. We passed by the Headless Monument but I failed to take a photo. Same with the Trylon Monument that looks like a little version of Monumento.

We saw St Raphael first but we saw this movie house that we checked out first to see the price if we'll be watching since it was very cheap when I went to SM Clark. Unfortunately, it was not that cheap. P150 vs P180 price in Manila. So we go to St Raphael instead.


St Raphael Church

The facade doesn't have much wow effect but the inside was big!



We did not light a candle here although I offered another prayer for Tita.

Embarcadero was our next place to visit so we asked the locals on how to go there since the map that I have don't have clear streets to pass to. We rode a tryke and paid P30 for two. It wasn't that far from the church. We passed by the Legazpi Boulevard (nothing special that I noticed) then we arrived at Embarcadero that looks like Eastwood! Haa. It was very relaxing there because of the air since it's near the port.



Everywhere we go we're seeing Mayon from a far! He's such a beauty. :)



We then searched for another place to go near and found out Kapuntukan Hill (Sleeping Lion) near Embarcadero. After asking the guard, we found out that it's already infront of us!


All I see are curves! Where's the lion? Haha

After walking around, we went back to Embarcadero and look for place to eat. We were supposed to eat at Bigg's Diner but found nothing worth a try. We visited the small chapel of Padre Pio instead.


Such a solemn view! Isn't it?

Then we went back to our inn before we go and try 1st Colonial Grill must try sili ice cream! Since we usually ended up getting a tryke for P30 fare and finding out that it's only walking distance, we walked to Landco Business Park instead.

Once we're in 1st Colonial Grill, I ordered Pinangat (coz Laing is so mainstream. Haha) while Kat ordered Pasta Bicolana.


I ordered a cup of rice for my viand and it looks like mini Mayon! So cute! Hihi..

Then we taste these ice cream must try:


Tinutong, Pili and Malunggay for me


Baileys, Sili and Salabat for Kat

All of them tastes like their names! As in! It was so amazing! Hahaha After tasting salabat, you can feel the coolness in your throat you just want to sing. Haha

Once we're done, we went back to our inn to rest. Fruitful Day 1! Right? :)

posted from Bloggeroid

One Week before Legazpi

I'm so excited!!!

7 more days to go and I'm going to Legazpi! And I'm not going solo anymore! Yay!!! :)

I twisted my friend's, Kat, arm and she's joining me next week! I'm so excited for a lot of firsts that I'll experience! Although I think I'm not that prepared yet.

First, I haven't pack my things yet. I don't know what and how to pack. I have been packing clothes before that I usually can't wear everything even if it's only for a 2 days 1 night thing only. Haha. I don't know how to pack lightly. Boo!

Second, I haven't fix our itinerary yet. I know places I want to visit there like Daraga Church, St Jude, caves, etc. But as to when to visit them? I don't have the blow by blow itinerary yet. Hahaha. Probably on/before Wednesday? I'll finish it by then?

Third, I should be learning some phrases on their dialect. I have notes but it's still scattered. I'm planning not to use much of the net there since I'm not really sure if my mobile data will work fine so it's better to be prepared at all times.

Ohhh! As much as I'm excited for the trip, I'm getting anxious already! Wish me luck! How far can I go and what's in it for me for 9 days that I'll be there? Weeeee!

posted from Bloggeroid

Bloggeroid! Yay!!!

Finally, I downloaded an application for Android for me to post blogs! I know I owe you a lot already so I hope this will really work for me to post blogs anytime and anywhere.

It's much easy to manage my blog through my Blackberry or my iPod but of course, when I changed phones, I accepted the fact that things will change. It was a good thing though that I'm quite familiar with Samsung.

So... for now... let's try this Bloggeroid will work just like the Blogger app. Haha.

posted from Bloggeroid

Back to Day 0.

I owe you a blog post since I always make it a point to post a blog weekly and I was not able to last week. I was so busy! And that deserves another post for my explanation. For now, let's talk about going back to day 0.

After saying that I'm on Day 1, I got back to Day 0 the next day. Reason? Kat and I were not able to go to another destination that we're planning to. Also, I need to see my boyfriend and he happily bought me some chocolate-coated biscuits that I love but was not helpful with me getting that sexy body or at least, flat tummy or at least, not that scandalous. So, yeah. It was not a successful goal to say the least.

I'm trying to go back to that Day 1 again ever since but there has been a lot of construction on the way. First, I don't have my rubber shoes. It took a lot of time before Kat finally got my shoes at the gym and it took more time to give it to me. I know we're not at the same floor anymore but we're still at the same company but still, fate was not kind to my rubber shoes and I. LOL.

The first jumping rope that I bought is for kids! Imagine? I was thinking of not buying it anymore but still, bought it since we can't think of any other place to buy some. It was a seven-foot jumping rope and we can't open to see if it's long enough for me. And we bought it from Toy Kingdom. So what was I expecting, really? Haha. We tried it and we were able to use it but it was not comfortable to use. It's like 3 inches above my head whenever we try it on and we can't do figures of eight! I then posted in Facebook to ask people where I can buy one for adults and was suggested to try Toby's so I bought one last week. But still, I don't have my rubber shoes then so, yeah. No exercise, still.

By now, I already have my rubber shoes and my jumping rope! But I got to watched this video saying that to get fit, exercise is 20% while eating the right food is 80%. So, really? Am I just giving myself reasons not to move?

So, I finally used the treadmill yesterday and ate good food. As much as possible, I'll be eating non-greasy food if I can. Yeah. I'll try my best, promise! Like for today, my breakfast was boneless bangus belly!

I hope I'll get that flat tummy on/before I go to Bicol... crossing my fingers here! Hehe!

Day 1, perhaps?

According to our Process Improvement Program Manager, an action plan needs to be done 21 times for our body to adapt. Something about astronauts going to the moon and wearing upside down glasses before going there to train them seeing things upside down that proves the 21 times.

So here I am again on my action plan of getting fit and wanting to do it 21 times.

Some rules I made up:
1. No more extra rice. This is really sad coz if I really like the food, I tend to ask for extra rice. I know that I can just drink and drink more water to be full but I don't do it coz.. I want to eat! So yeah, starting today, no more extra rice. I know that I can do it so long as I eat on time. *wink

2. Drink soft drinks or eat sweets once a week only, enough to satisfy cravings. Or if I'm really craving, just one cut or one piece. Are we clear? Haha

3. If I stopped even for a day of not exercising, we'll be back to Day 1. It's like stopping yourself with your vice. If you do it again, back to Day 1.

4. No posting of getting fit through Facebook. I don't want to jinx it, I'm really tired of having these love handles so I really need to NOT post it in FB. To lessen the pressure as well. I can only discuss it here and in Twitter since I only got few friends who are always on Twitter.

5. No sitting in 30 minutes while jogging or jumping rope. I need to make use of my legs. Push myself! Go!

So far, those are what I have. :)

Kat and I already walked for two hours awhile ago looking for the perfect place for jogging or for my jumping rope. So far, as in literally, we went to Metrotent and then Tiendesitas. Metrotent looks okay although there are a lot of cars and ogling guards. Tiendesitas don't have much place to stay on but just a loop to jog on. Tomorrow, we'll be going to Capitol Commons to check if it's a good place since one of my agents and our Learning Specialist goes there to jog. Crossing fingers! :)

To Legazpi: Going Solo?

In less than two months, I'm bound to Legazpi, Albay, Bicol to attend my former agent's wedding. I'm part of the entourage and I'm excited to go to Bicol that I'm ready to travel all the long way to attend the wedding!

Since it's a faraway land (lol), I decided to go there even before the wedding. If you'll be in Bicol, too, you'll definitely take the chance and enjoy it, right?

Originally, I am supposed to bring my boyfriend since the groom knows and been with him every team building that we had. Un/fortunately, he got a job and started last January and just like every other regular jobs, he can't take a leave just yet. I'm already harassing him to just try and ask since they're done with training by then and already taking in calls but still, it's a long shot. I'm not even sure if he will still going to try asking. :( I asked another friend of mine to accompany me, too, after finding out my dilemma but she backed out because of the expenses. Since it's far, we were thinking of spending around 10k for travel, accommodation, food and pasalubong. The couple will pay for our food and hotel accommodation starting Wednesday, Thursday would be the wedding, until Saturday but because of the plan that we're going there before the wedding itself, we still need money for additional accommodation and such. So... looks like I'll be travelling solo. :(

I have other friends, my previous agents, who will be attending the wedding, too, but I don't know yet when they will come or how they will go there -- via air or land. It's what has been bugging me, really.

Yesterday, I already booked a flight since there are only 3 seats available for P399 promo for Monday, April 21. Luckily for me, I got it but I ended up paying for almost 2k! Let's blame it on me being inexperienced. I haven't tried riding a plane and I've never booked a flight for anybody. I was only expecting that aside from the P399 promo that I need to pay, there will still be add-ons such as taxes. There were travel insurance, baggage allowance and seat locator. Since I don't know much, I ticked them all. I got travel insurance, without thinking that I do have a health card. I took the baggage allowance because I don't really have skills to pack and I might need it but really, I should just learn to pack light. Lastly, I got reserved seats just because I want to seat beside the window. I could have saved P250 for travel insurance and P180 for baggage but since I was excited in booking, there you go! Hahahahaha.

Just this morning, I was looking for a place to stay in Legazpi and found out about Agoda. Like what I have mentioned, I really don't have much experience with going too far from Manila. I take charge with team buildings and outings but getting hotels and whatnots? Darn. So, I kept on searching through the website until I gave in and booked one in Agoda. I was about to book for one person only but then, I'm still not giving up with the chance of having someone to be with me so I booked for two! I was hoping it will be for P500 only but of course, since I might be travelling solo, it's not cheaper than what I wanted. If ever that I will share my room with another person, it will definitely be cheaper! I only got the room for P771.32 and I don't need to pay it before April 12. Although it's a standard non-aircon room and it will be summer when I will go there, I believe I can manage in a room with no aircon although I admit I've been thinking of getting the one with aircon. I was about to book another hotel once I go back to Legazpi from Masbate but I decided not to get one unless I already booked my flight back to Manila.

There are 2 flights with P399 promo back to Manila and these are on a Monday and Tuesday. Of course, I can't pick the Tuesday since I should be back to work on a Monday but I'm really not sure if I will be booking the one on Monday. Should I book it now? *sigh* I'll leave it and wait until next weekend. I hope the P399 promo is still there because it will surely help me out with finances and once done with booking the flight, I'll book another one for the accommodation. I just talked to the groom and he mentioned that it's fine to stay at Masbate until Sunday so I will really stay at the hotel at Legazpi for one night before my flight back to Manila.

So... am I ready to go solo on this trip? I'll definitely go solo on the flight and I'm scared as early as now since I'm scared to get lost. But then.... que sera sera! Whatever will be, will be!

Ultimatum.

Someone that I know is about to get married! :D Yeah, we do know that the couple will get married by 2015 but due to humps and bumps, it only sounded real when the girl gave a date already. It's like, "Wow. It's really happening."

Also, yesterday, the girl shared to us that they're looking into hotels at the South and that they already replied on her query regarding receptions. There was a slight difference with the two hotels and both are at the 250ish prize. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I know hotels will be pricey for receptions but 250k?! What the?!?!

After that, my boyfriend told me that we really need 1M for our wedding in 2017. (Yes, we already have a year and don't worry, both our parents know about it. Lol.) The year doesn't sound "that" serious for now coz it's still 3 years from now but after what we've learned yesterday: Will three years be enough time to earn such money?!?! And no, I won't compromise into having a civil wedding to save money. I want a church wedding. I deserve one.. Just like every girl. *wink*

These things are going through my mind since yesterday but I wasn't entertaining it until awhile ago, while I was reading through my iPod and I can see the dent. My iPod is used to jumping every now and then as if it wants to get rid from me but due to unfortunate events, it leaved 3 marks wherein I can't read words whenever I read through Ebooks. Then I thought, I need to have a new one. I need to have that Kobo and a new phone after my BB drown itself. I need to create ultimatums to myself to finally save for the big day. I know my boyfriend will provide but he's not some rich kid to give me the wedding that I want with a snap of his fingers. He also just started working that's why I pretty have more room to save now. So I should start save now and stop stalling.

Right. I should start saving now. I should start listing my ultimatums for me to stop sending. So, where do I start? Aside from a Kobo and a new phone, now what?

I'm lost. I know a lot of saving tips but it doesn't seem to work with me. Bukod sa andaming bayarin. Ang gastos koooo! Argh.

HELP!

My Make Time Speech

In this age of ours and with our technology, it's easy to see messages and/or say, "I miss you!", "See you soon!", "Kitakits naman dyan!" and the likes without really planning to do so. It's very common to see those messages that as much as you hope to see each other, it will take a lot of effort that we tend to be busy at times that the end point is, we don't get to see each other. For that, I am sorry.

I try to make time to see and meet people. Usually, I work 5 days a week then be with Rai or my family during the weekends. Before, I don't even have much time with my family. I tend to miss special family occasions that were set up during the weekdays that I was not here or on-the-spot eat out that I already made plans that's why I was not able to join coz again I wasn't at home. It was only lately that I was able to attend Mass with my family and we had our usual Family Day together to which I'm really grateful. Rai and I don't see each other during workdays since he lives in Laguna and although it's only a bus ride, it's worth a tiresome two-hour ride. Thus me enjoying weekends with him most of the time. I asks him every now and then to stay at my place so that I can be with my parents, too, but of course, he has his Sunday routine of talking to his parents abroad. So, it has always been better for us to stay at his place than mine. If all else fails for us not to see each other during the weekends, we give each other a break by staying at each other's places.

I'm usually a 'Kaladkarin Girl' although I'm more of the one doing the 'kaladkarin' with other people. My workmates know how I love to go to places, eat out and hang out after work hours. Still, I try my best to meet other people outside work, my family and my lovelife circle. Just set it up and don't ask me a day or 2 days before. Even my parents talk to my brother and I for us to stay at home on a weekends to plan for our Family Day.

Please be considerate enough to ask me a week before or even a month before "your plan". I'm not being boastful or 'pa-importante'. What I'm only saying is, I do something else. I'm not a loner who always waits for someone to call to invite me somewhere. I'm not always available. I have other 'life' such as at work, lovelife, social life, etc. I have a family, a boyfriend, work and other friends.

I'm sorry but I just need to burst this. I know you know who you are and I know I already mentioned this to you. Remember when we last met? I took the time to give you a heads up that I wanted to see you. I did not tell you on the spot, on the day itself or the day before. I respected that you have your own time, your own family and your own plans. Please do the same thing to me before you make 'tampo' or accuse me of something else.

Bursting this as well for other people. FYI. I hope that this will not mean anything bad coz if you know me that well, you know that I do make time. Just to set expectations. I would love to meet you anytime soon, just please, be considerate and let me know ahead of time. We're all grown ups and have a large circle of relationships.

I thank you. *bow*
Hahaha. Lakas maka-speech e. Lol

You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

I am one of the girls who succumbed (is it the right word?) to the holiday made by Hallmark: Valentine's Day. I know that we don't need this day to prove something with our relationship but still, it's a nice feeling to be pampered and all by your own boyfriend.

Contrary to belief (?), February 15 is not a day for somebody else's mistress because 14 is for the legal girlfriends/wives. As for this year, 2014, since Valentine's Day fell on a Friday, a workday for most of us, almost everyone decided to wait for the next day to celebrate it instead. If you're one of those who took the time off or used your vacation leaves for the 14th, I salute you for that! I wish you were able to enjoy the long weekend! As for me? I did enjoy it. ;)

Rai went to work to get me then we went off to Tagaytay. Although I know he'll be giving me something, I know he would and he should coz it's our post vday/monthsary, I was still surprised. :D He gave me Mr. Smith, a Siberian husky from Blue Magic. I was so touched with the gesture because he's dying to have a husky, the real one, and since he gave me one, even a stuffed toy only, it feels like I'm that special. I should be, right? Hahaha. Nonetheless, I was ecstatic. Also, he told me that I have a lot of teddy bears already so, "para maiba naman".

Rai, Mr. Smith and I then went to Tagaytay to visit Puzzle Mansion -- a Guinness record holder for having the most number of puzzle collections and she got the biggest puzzle done as well: 32k puzzle pieces! Her collections vary from 2D, 3D, 4D, wood, plastic, etc! She has known paintings, sculptures, structures, cartoon characters and even Beatles and Justin Bieber! Her collection is outstanding that I suddenly thought of my fondness of puzzles last year. Although I was able to finish one 1k worth of jigsaw puzzle, her hobby takes a lot of dedication and passion. No wonder she's a record holder!

Although the trip to the mansion is not that friendly, steep roads!!, you'll definitely enjoy the place. We were super amazed with her vast collection! Also, don't forget to try the creamy coconut pie before you go! Orgasmic!!! :)

As for souvenirs, we had our picture taken at the Puzzle Mansion's logo and had printed a jigsaw puzzle picture! (Please see my photo album if you want to see it! It's a hassle to post pictures through my phone T_T) We also bought this push puzzle that is so fun to play! I usually have it on my bag if I'm not holding it in case you're interested. ;) I even remembered Rai kept on saying, "Gusto mo bili tayo nyan? O yan? Ano gusto mo?" while pinpointing to different kind of puzzles at the store. See? I told you I am spoiled! Haha

After that, we ate at Mushroom Burger! I've seen the place a lot of times but I've never been inside it. Good thing Rai set my expectations that it's a fastfood place and not some kind of restaurant. I was expecting Sonya's Garden or Marcia Adam's level! And that's too high! Hahaha. The food was okay, didn't enjoy it much, but I was busy with the puzzle so... Yeah. Haha. I wish to finally eat at Bag of Beans sooner! We've been to a lot of places in Tagaytay already but I've never experienced dining there. Rai did already, though.

After that, Sky Ranch! Sorry again, Mama, if you were not able to join us but it's okay coz there's nothing spectacular about it. The ferris wheel is to go for if you haven't been to MOA but MOA's ferris wheel is way better. The rides were for kids and the zip line looks good though a bit pricey for P500 or probably because we've tried it before. But it was nice to stroll around.

A day well spent with 'the' boyfriend for Valentine's / monthsary. Thank you to his first salary as well. Hahaha! Although I felt like we really did spend a lot! O_o

So... How about you? How was your Valentine's? Did you or did you not celebrate it? Are you one of those who said that you don't need to spend it because you're spending "Love Day" every day with your partner? One thing is for sure: you definitely felt your long hair when you were given as simple as a flower or choc nut by your special someone on that day. ;)

Moments

"Ilang beses mo na sinabi na tanggap mo na hindi na magiging kayo.. Hindi siya yung lalaki na kelangan mo sa buhay mo. But, Cat, you never really let go. You tell me you're looking for responsible, faithful and kind man.. Everything that he is not. But I think this is what you hope he could be. Naniniwala ka na kaya niyang magbago. Pero pano kung hindi? Pano kung ayaw niya magbago?

He has his moments but I think you're holding into moments. You're holding on to your idea who you want him to be. You should move on and let go for real this time."

Twas watching 'She's the One' and ang sarap lang i-quote. :D

Bakit ngayon ko lang 'to napanood? Kilig overload! Hahahaha!

"So you're giving up?"
"I'm giving her what she needs."

"There's something with the way you looked at him, the way he looked at you, and you never looked at me that way."

More lines! :D Wag niyo na panoorin! Hahaha!

"Cat, mahal na mahal kita.. Even more than a friend. Matagal na kitang mahal."

"Talaga? Sa dami ng babaeng pinarada mo sa harapan ko, sa dami ng beses na tinanggi mong hinalikan mo ko, sa haba ng panahon na ginawa ko lahat para sa'yo, wag mo lang maramdaman na walang nagmamahal sa'yo? Wacky, sampung taon yun. Sinarado ko puso ko para sa lahat. Hindi ako nagmahal ng iba kasi umasa ko na darating yung araw na mamahalin mo din ako. Kahit na sinasabi ng lahat ng tao na wala kong mapapala, nagpakatanga ko.. Kasi mahal kita."

"Sorry. Kung alam mo lang, I've loved you from the moment I met you. Pero aaminin ko sa'yong naduwag ako. Naduwag ako dahil ayokong masaktan ka dahil alam kong di naman ako yung taong gusto mo, yung taong kelangan mo. Cat, I've done so many mistakes that I couldn't be possible the one for someone as perfect as you."

"Hindi ako perfect at kahit kelan hindi ko hihilingin na perfect ka. Hihilingin ko, subukan mo. Subukan mong ayusin yung sarili mo hanggang maramdaman mong karapat-dapat ka sakin. But you never tried. You never tried it for me. Ang masakit dun, kaya mo pala. Kaya mo.. ngayon."

"You could try harder to wait for me to grow up or I can try harder to wait for you to move on or we can try to be honest."

Nakakainis lang si Bea. Bagay kay Enrique tapos bagay din kay Dingdong? Ikaw na 'te. Walang pinipili ang kagandahan mo. Versatile!

Ayun lang. Sorry! Super affected ako sa napanood ko. Hahaha!

Super Attached?

Please enlighten me. Why do people choose to be somebody else's second place? Mistress? Second best?

Lately, I've been seeing or hearing a lot about these kind of people and I simply wonder what's on their mind. I don't want to judge them because I know I shouldn't and I've experienced it as well. I've been so blinded before that I lost track if I'm the 'legal' girlfriend or I was the second best. Since that has been a long time, I'm trying to understand what they're thinking. What was I thinking back then?

Blinded by love? Some choose to be second best because they've been blinded with the so-called love, that what they're thinking is that if it's love, there's nothing wrong with it. What can be wrong with loving?? Without thinking, it's not love anymore but a simple obsession.

Trapped? They were only a victim. Without knowing they are a mistress at first but because upon finding out, they were trapped, they can't get out anymore since they fell so deeply already. Yeah, let's give them some of that but... That's still a choice to make, right? You can still say 'No' after finding out you're just the second best. You should know you deserve someone better.

They're the princess and not the evil queen? They're thinking they're not somebody else's 'kontrabida' but the other person is.

*sigh* I don't know. I really can't think of anything else. At the end of the day, whether what they, the 'first' relationship, has, you can't judge them saying that their relationship is not worthy anymore. Especially for married people.. Even if the other party already gave up, since they're still technically 'married' isn't it like NOT giving them a chance anymore to patch things up no matter how long they have been not together?

I don't know. I always think highly of every person.. Especially me. I know I deserve someone / something better. I'm not someone to hide but to be kept in the sacred matrimony. It's the same way I look at other people. For those that in this kind of relationship, I don't know what your reasons are but give importance to yourself. You always deserve the best.

Bursting another thought bubble... Finally, I finished this one. Haha

Kim Chiu Fanatic

Habang nanonood ng ASAP...

Me: Sino yung sumasayaw?
Lola: Di ko alam e.
Me: Ay, si Enrique Gil yan, Lola!
Lola: Sino yung babae?
Mama: Si Maja.
Lola: Ay, AYOKO KAY MAJA. MAGASLAW.
Mama: Ayaw mo lang kay Maja kasi magkaaway sila ni Kim Chiu e.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lola Epay is Kim Chiu's super fan. Although I can't remember when she started following Kim, I know for a fact that she kept on buying magazines that has Kim on the cover. When that magazine only has a small scope of Kim, she dislikes it coz he wants to know a lot about her. I even sometimes think that if Lola will choose who to hug between Kim and I, she might probably hug Kim first before noticing me. She's that kind of a fan!

Lola's the kind of a fan that she also watches Kim's movies. She watched 'Bakit hindi ka Crush ng Crush mo?' and was able to enjoy it with her friends. She even watched this on the big screen! When I was able to download it on my iPod and let her watch it, she stopped cleaning and watched it. Haha! Tita was even telling me that I should not gave it to Lola coz she was not helping cleaning anymore. Lol

A few weeks ago, she was excited to watch Kim's new movie: 'Bride for Rent' and she was able to watch it on a Monday, a day when Senior Citizens only need to pay P1 to watch movies. After that, she watched it again on a Tuesday, discounted price, just because she wants to watch it again. She couldn't wait for another Monday for a free pass! Haha. She really wants to support her favorite actress.

One time, I asked her: 'Gusto mo ba si Xian para kay Kim?' (Do you like Xian for Kim?) and she said yes because she can see how much Xian loves Kim. She also mentioned that she liked Gerald but she don't like him anymore because he hurt Kim and made her cry. Hihi..

I really enjoy how Lola smiles whenever we talk about Kim. She has this certain glow like she's so proud of her. To think that she's already 77 she still has that kid in her and overwhelming joy.

Sometimes, I think of writing something to tell Kim to visit Lola -- 'Wish Ko Lang' style -- so that Lola will be able to know her and hug her. Anybody who knows Kim or how can I contact her? I know Lola will be in ecstasy!

Open it up!

There are things I wanted to share, I wanted to voice out and I wanted to write here... But I know I can't or I'm not supposed to.

This blog is not only for my amusement purposes or for any selfish reason. This blog is own by public merely because I choose to post it online. As much as I want to talk about how I feel towards other people or how I think about them, not every thought bubble is worth bursting. Just like Rai's favorite law of power: Reputation.

We shouldn't care about what other people think of us. We shouldn't mind at all. But what if it jeopardizes you? Then we're definitely talking about something else now, right?

As much as I want to share things here, you don't need to know. It might only taint our relationship: friendship, acquaintance or being lovers? I'll just keep it on my bubble and I'll decide carefully to whom will I burst it with. That's also the reason why you're not limited to one friend only, right? Especially if you're only in for some advice and you don't want them to be judgmental in a way because they know the person you're talking about.

If I create this blog and will have it private or I'll choose few people to read it, it's the same way I'll treat myself to others: won't be open for public and will be comfortably stuck in a bubble of make-believe. And I sure don't want that. That's why I'll just be careful. Hehe!

Someone I know said, "You don't need to know my battles to compare it with your own." It's the same with moving on - we all have our own ways -- some sleep a lot, eat a lot or talk a lot while some takes a day, a month or a year to get over it. Never judge a person coz you don't know what they're going through.

Nonetheless, keep visiting! At least you'll still have a glimpse of what I'm going through.. Or what's on my mind. I know you'll still find something to waste your time with.

I just really want to voice out that I want to say something but I can't. Haha. At least that's a part of me that I open up. By continuing this blog, I'm opening up something to the public. It's nice to open up every now and awhile, y'know? How about you? Try opening yourself up to other people! That will definitely be a breath of fresh air.

Where are you, sleep?

It was 3:30am when I woke up hearing Pepper, the dog, whimpering and he sounded like he was crying. Rai woke up, too, and I told him that Pepper wants to get out of the room. He was sleeping with us since 12mn when I called him to enter our room. He probably wants to pee and he knows he can't pee in here. Since I woke up, I also went to pee but can't go back to sleep anymore. Here's one of the dis/advantages of working in our industry: whether you sleep early or late, as long as you woke up during the wee hours, you'll have a hard time sleeping again.

Time check: 5:34am and I'm still awake. I tried browsing Facebook but it doesn't bore me to sleep. I tried reading books, particularly The Litigators by John Grisham, but I remember, while reading, that I'm interested with law and it did not help me with catching some yawns. I'm already at the climax just by reading more than an hour. Who talks about sleeping again?

Moreover, the lights outside, particularly the one at the front of our window, was turned off and I am scared and paranoid. What if I look there and someone's watching? To think that I can hear a lot of dogs barking outside. You know what they say about dogs barking when no one's there? They can see ghosts! 😱😱😱 But then again, the dogs were probably just 'talking' about each other.

I can check out the CCTV monitor since it's at this room but... I'm scared again. What if someone's looking at it? Paranormal activity, y'know? Oh sh*t, I really need to sleep. I'm thinking nonsense and only scaring myself! Hell, I'm even doing a good job about it! 😣😣

I'm actually not alone in this room. Rai is sleeping beside me but it still doesn't dismiss the fact that I'm afraid of what's out there. Every now and then, he reaches out for me and hug me. I was trying to wake him up awhile ago by kissing, smack only!, him but he'll just give me a smack then sleep again. After several tries, I gave up. He woke up a minute ago, too, and after seeing me still up, he started tapping my legs, like what moms do to kids to lull them to sleep, but stopped since he fell asleep again. I really can't disturb him. He's far away to the real world and is enjoying dreamland!

So what to do?

I can't use my 'Sleep Pillow' right now coz it'll wake up Rai.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

I started couting sheeps but it doesn't help!

Any other tricks you know of?

Who are YOU to judge?

I took an escalated call the other day since the consumer that I was talking to did not get the line of credit he was applying for. Reason? It's because of his score that we gave to the company. It wasn't even our own scoring model to begin with but he fails to understand the basic knowledge I'm imparting with him. It's the first time he called our company and I'm pretty sure he's not knowledgeable enough with how we work. I'm not being judgmental here, alright? Just stating facts since most of our callers are saying they never heard of us until they got denied credit. So, at the latter part of the call, consumer was angry and telling me, "Who are you to judge my credit history? Who are you to say what company can I applied for credit or not?"

This scenario was playing on my mind while I was at home doing regularization and annualization forms. Regularization would be for agents who will turn 6 months in a month or less and this is also their "Judgment Day" since that's when they will know whether they will still stay with the company or not. The annualization on the other hand are for agents who are considered regular already and are up for an appraisal, or not, based on their performance since they got regularized. I believe most of us working are familiar with what I'm saying. Right? Hopefully.

Going back, I was doing 2 regularization and 2 annualization for my agents while I have 4 regularizations on default and 3 for upcoming regularization for another team's. To compute for the regularization, it's half-half. 50% will be based on their KPIs for the past 5 months while the other 50% will be from core competencies that we, coaches, will provide commentaries regarding their skill, knowledge and behavior. This is pretty easy if you may say but there are instances whether you'll draw the line. When will you pass an agent? What if his KPIs are good but behavior isn't? What if he's up for the challenge but only having problems grasping the idea (slow kumbaga) and his KPIs are failing? What to do?

In our industry, they say your coaches are the one who can decide, as a matter of fact, if you will still have a job after 5 months. But if you really think about it, this is like a teacher-student scenario. We don't do your grades/KPI.. we only compute it for you. Your KPI score should be far from the Core Competency score that we should be providing you. Although there are instances that we can 'manipulate' your core competencies, we can't do it for your KPIs. Hell, it needs to be approved by 4 managers so why will we jeopardize our position? There was even a time when they were sending back forms because of the KPI and core competencies grades are too far from each other. They always say, if his behavior is good, it will show in his KPIs and vice versa! To which I believe.

So, yes. I can tell how you were as my agent from the peiod that we've worked but I cannot judge you and decide whether you'll stay with the company or not. It's your own making. It's you who decide for your own fate. As for that consumer, we only compute your score based on your credit history. We were not the one who was paying late or exceeding credit limit. We were just reporting accurate information and computing facts. So, hell, even if you talk to my manager, s/he'll say the same thing! Bleh :p

Pasaherong Praning

Habang binabaybay ang kahabaan ng EDSA mula Megamall hanggang Magallanes, hindi mawala ung kaba ko. Wagas kasi magmaneho si Manong Drayber. Halatang sanay sa EDSA at sa mga 'da moves' ng mga MMDA.

Ngayon ko lang nakita ang mga nakasuot ng pula at asul na mga taga-MMDA. Siguro dahil ngayon na lang ulit ako bumyahe ng umaga na may pasok. Pero nakakatuwa sila tignan dahil halos kada kanto at bus stop ay mayroon silang taong nakabantay. Kahit gaano kahaba ang EDSA, hindi ko naramdaman na huminto kami dahil sa trapiko. Alam na alam din ni Manong Drayber kung san sila pwedeng nakatambay kahit hindi bus stop kaya nagbababa siya kung san lang siya, Bus A, pwede. Yun din siguro dahilan kung bakit halos 30 minutes akong nag-antay ng Pacita sa Star Mall.

Ngunit kahit anong dami ng MMDA sa haba ng EDSA, hindi pa rin mawala ung kaba ko. Hindi naman kaskasero si Manong.. maparaan lang. Para siyang hindi mapakali na naiihi kasi ayaw niyang pumila ng matagal sa bus stop. Imbes na sa kanan siya para sa mga pasaherong pwedeng mag-abang, sa kaliwa siya madalas at pumupunta na lang ng kanan pag malapit na sa bus stop.

Sabi nila, ang pinakaligtas na lugar sa bus, o sa kahit anong sasakyan, ay sa likod ng drayber. Bakit? Kahit gaano kabait ang isang drayber, pag nasa alanganin na, 'instinct' na niya na iligtas ang sarili niya at ilalayo niya ang sarili niya sa peligro. At dahil ikaw ang nasa likod niya, damay ka. Kung pwede mo siyang katabi, mas ligtas un. Wala namang drayber ng pampublikong sasakyan ang sasayaing ibangga ang sasakyang minamaneho niya, di ba? Kaya ako, laging nasa likod ng drayber kahit gaano pa kalapit o kalayo ang bababaan. Kung hindi na pwede sa likod niya, sa tabi ng drayber o kaya sa tapat ng nasa likod niya.

Ayun, akalain mong nahuli siya dito sa Alabang? Haha. Natawa ko. Sa dami ng matinik na MMDA sa EDSA, hindi siya nahuli kahit nagbababa siya sa lagpas ng bus stop ng Bus B. Kahit na hindi halata na nagsakay siya ng isa lagpas bus stop sa bilis umakyat ni kuya, wala din. Nahuli siya ng MTBP (tama ba? Ano ba meaning nun?). Hindi siya nag-abot ng lisensya niya nung kinukuha at pinababa ung kundoktor. Pagbalik ng kundoktor, hawak pa rin ang lisensya at isinoli sa drayber. Ano pang paliwanag kelangan mo? ALAM NA! Tsk!

Nakakahilo pala magsulat dito sa SLEX. Saglit lang...

Naalala mo nung may binomba na bus? Pag galing ako ng Laguna, halos linggo-lingo, nagdadalawang-isip ako nun kung hahanapin ko kung san banda ung insidente. Iniisip ko, gusto ko makita pero mas lamang yung natatakot akong baka may makita akong kaluluwa. Hehe. Matatakutin lang naman ako. Nalaman ko na lang kung san un ng may nakita akong nakatirik na kandila. Sa dalas pa ng sakay ko ng bus, sumasakay ako pauwi mula Megamall anggang Santolan pag may kasabay anggang Megamall mula trabaho, tinitignan ko lahat ng sumasakay. Dahil madalas ako sa unang dalawang upuan sa harap ng bus, tinitignan ko ung mukha at dala ng mga sumasakay. Pag mukhang kabado, kahina-hinala, hindi na ko mapakali niyan. Pano kung may dalang bomba? Todo na dasal ko nun. Nakasanayan ko na rin dahil kahit taon na ang nakalipas, ganun pa rin ako pag nasa bus.

Nung hayskul ako, masyadong malayo ang mga eskwelahan ko na tipong mga isa o dalawang oras ata ang byahe. Magsisimula sa Cubao tapos babaybayin ang E. Rodriguez anggang Welcome Rotonda. Hindi pa tapos un! Kahabaan naman ng Espanya (nakabisado ko nga sunud-sunod ng kalye nun sa tindi ng trapiko e!) anggang UST. Mahimbing tulog sa umaga kaso madalas akong ginagabi sa pag-uwi. Dun naman ako natuto na mapraning sa dyip. Dahil uso ang nanghoholdap sa dyip sa bandang Cubao o kaya bago mag-Araneta Avenue pag galing ka ng Welcome Rotonda, hindi ako nakakatulog kahit gano kaantok. Tanda ko pa yung nagdala ko ng digicam sa skul at sa praning kong may maghoholdap sa dyip, andun ako nakaupo sa likod ng drayber at nilagay ko siya sa pagitan ng hita ko. Para pag pinalabas yung mga gamit o kaya kinuha yung bag ko, tago pa rin siya. Hindi pa uso lahat may digicam nun ha. Kaya puspusan ako sa pagkapraning!

Mula naman ng nagtrabaho ako at umangat ng posisyon, lagi akong naka-taxi kahit na malapit lang ang bahay sa trabaho - isang dyip lang at mahabang lakarin kung tutuusin. Dahil dun, nagsimula naman ako mabaliw pag sumasakay ng taxi. Sa tabi ako lagi ng drayber umuupo at bago ako sumakay, tinitignan ko lagi yung likod dahil baka may nakatago na nakahiga at sasaksakin ako (agad-agad? Di pwedeng holdap muna??) pag matagal na kong nakasakay. Napraning ako simula ng mapanood ko sa isang 'movie' yung ganung 'modus' ng 'killer'. May isang beses pa na sumakay ako ng taxi na lagpas alas dose na at sa likod ako sumakay imbes na sa harap na nakasanayan ko. Nung nasa Crame na kami, naglabas siya ng air freshener at tinapat sa aircon sa gitna. E di ba, yun yung nababalita ngayon? Bimpo nga lang yung madalas na gamitin. Paglipas ng ilang saglit, sumasakit na ulo ko. Tinetext ko na yung katrabaho ko ng plaka ng taxi. Ayun, naalala kong ayaw ko lang pala talaga ng amoy nun kaya sumakit ulo ko. Di ko naman talaga siya nakakahilo. Haha.

May saltik talaga ko pag bumabyahe. Pero mas mabuti na rin yun kesa mapahamak. Mas magandang alerto lagi lalo na sa panahon ngayon! Ikaw? Mas praning ka ba sa kin?